Hillary Clinton promised to build a national monument to the memory of her mentor, Ku Klux Klan Kleagle and Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd. When reporters asked Hillary if she could still erect the statue in the wake of her landslide defeat, she exclaimed, "I'll burn that cross when I come to it!"
Hillary Clinton was a heavy drug user for several years, but recently decided to quit. She admitted that the dope distorted her perceptions and impaired her ability to reason, but she's hopeful that those side effects will eventually wear off.
Hillary Clinton collapsed on the street again and had to be rushed to her daughter's apartment for treatment. The attending physician asked, "Are you still an alcoholic?" "No," Hillary indignantly replied. "That's good," said the doctor, "When did you quit?" She answered, "Earlier this morning."