Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Tang versus Stucco

Despite how tired that meme is already, Hillary Clinton's staff writers are still joking that Donald Trump's television makeup looks just like Tang. By contrast, Hillary's foundation makeup, stucco, is much less colorful. 

Hillary Denounces Hypocrisy

In an emotional campaign speech, Hillary Clinton denounced hypocrisy. The audience roared with laughter. 

Friday, May 27, 2016

Hillary's Expensive Speeches

Hillary Clinton has come under a lot of unfair criticism lately for charging hundreds of thousands of dollars to give speeches. In fact, she never gave any such speeches. Lobbyists just wrote the phrase "Speaking Fee" on their checks because it looks more legitimate than "Bribe" does. 

The Joke's on Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton has a new ad campaign targeting male voters. Hilariously, she chose to use the face of a model best known for warning men against the risk of STDs. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Vice President Chelsea Clinton

Hillary Clinton appeared on the Ellen DeGenerate show today and said that she favored her daughter, Chelsea Clinton, for Vice President. Hillary was joking, of course. There's just no way Chelsea could come up with enough bribe money to buy the spot. 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Sympathy for the Hillary

The latest polls now show that Hillary Clinton is the most deservedly despised politician in American history. It's so bad for her that even she got a sympathy card signed by Jimmy Carter.

Tip o'the hat to Rocky D.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Hillary and Eternity

Hillary Clinton looked up at all the stars in the night sky and realized just how insignificant everyone else is.

Tip o'the hat to Rocky D 

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Studying to be President

Q. Why has  Hillary Clinton made studying ventriloquism part of her campaign strategy?

A. So that she can learn to lie without moving her lips.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Hillary Bracelets

Q. What kind of bracelets would go best with the orange outfits that Hillary has been appearing in lately? 

A. Handcuffs.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Late for a Very Important Date

Hillary Clinton is so old that she's already late to her own funeral.

Hillary and the Catfish

Q. What's the difference between a Hillary Clinton and a catfish?

A. One is a bottom feeder and the other one is a fish.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Bill Wants to Know

When Hillary Clinton finally goes to prison, will Bill be allowed to skip the conjugal visits?

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Hillary's Twitter Followers

Hillary has 5.9 million Twitter followers -- and that's not even not counting the FBI agents following her.

Tip o'the hat to contributor Rocky D 

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Hillary's Election Strategy

At a press conference, a reporter asked Hillary Clinton how she intended to overcome the tremendous voter support for Donald Trump? Hillary cackled, "It doesn't really matter who the people vote for. What matters is who counts the votes."

Time to Pay Up

Buying an election is proving to be extraordinarily expensive for Hillary Clinton, with expenditures outstripping the donations she has brought in, so that she is already over $100 million in debt. It has gotten so bad that most of the calls coming into her campaign are from collection agencies. 

Monday, May 16, 2016

Hillary will go down in history

Hillary Clinton hopes that she can win the Presidency before the FBI investigation concludes and she is indicted. She wants to go down in history as the first two-impeachment family.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Joe versus Hillary

Joe Biden, regretting his failure to enter the race for President, announced this week that that he would have made a better President than Hillary. To be fair, who wouldn't have?

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Get Behind Hillary

Hillary Clinton woke up one morning to find that she could no longer fit into any of her hideous pantsuits, so she immediately went on a crash diet. After a full day of dieting, she told Bill that she had lost five pounds. Bill told her that the five pounds weren't lost; she just needed to take a look behind her. 

Friday, May 13, 2016

I want to live!

An elderly man in the hospital begged the doctor to not let him die before the election, because didn't want to vote for Hillary.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

I can't do 100 years!

When the wheel of justice finally caught up with Hillary Clinton, she was sentenced to 100 years in prison for a variety of the crimes that she had committed over the years. Hillary hysterically shouted to the judge, "I can't do 100 years!" The judge calmly replied, "Just do as much as you can."

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Jon Stewart, Rosie O’Donnell, Samuel L. Jackson, and Cher, among many other Hillary supporters, have promised to leave for Canada when Donald Trump is sworn in as the President of the United States on January 20, 2017. To commemorate the date, all flights to Canada will be serving Whine and Cheese on inauguration day. 

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Hillary Clinton's Colonoscopy

Hillary Clinton got back some very bad news from her most recent weekly colonoscopy. 

The doctors found a brain tumor.  

Saturday, May 7, 2016

That Will Do Pig, That Will Do

Back in the days when Bill Clinton was enthusiastically groping interns in the Oval Office he made a visit back home to Arkansas. When he returned to Washington got on Air Force One carrying a present back for the First Lady. Curiosity got the better of one of Bill's Secret Service agents, who asked, “What's that you have there, Mr. President.” The President answered him, “It's a Razorback piglet. I got it for Hillary.” The Secret Service agent responded, “Excellent trade, Sir!”

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Hillary Clinton Toilet Humor

Barack Obama put America in the toilet. Hillary Clinton wants to be the one to flush it.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

"Hillary is the Cod Liver Oil of candidates."

Glenn Reynolds easily wins the award for best Hillary quip of the day for May 2, 2016.

"Hillary is the Cod Liver Oil of candidates. Except that Cod Liver Oil is at least good for you." --Glenn Reynolds

Monday, May 2, 2016

Hillary in History

Hillary Clinton is so old that General Ulysses S. Grant burned down her slave plantation during his march to Georgia.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Hillary Takes a Position

Q. How does Hillary Clinton sleep?

A. First Hillary lies on one side, and then Hillary lies on the other.