Jelly Hillary

Elizabeth Warren says that she's troubled by Barack Obama's $400000 speaking fees. Not Hillary Clinton though. Hillary's just jealous as hell. 

Hillary Alert

NBC News reports that Hillary Clinton has announced that she is "ready to come out of the woods." 

Civil Defense authorities will sound an all-clear signal once she returns to it.

Like Father, like Mother

At Variety’s Power of Women event, Saturday Night Live member Vanessa Bayer noted that Chelsea Clinton’s mother, Hillary Clinton, isn't President. 

But for that matter, neither is Chelsea's father.

Toenail Clippings

T.A. Frank, writing in Vanity Fair, observed that "[R]eading anything by Chelsea Clinton—tweets, interviews, books—is best compared to taking in spoonfuls of plain oatmeal that, periodically, conceal a toenail clipping." 

Sounds like a recipe passed down to her from her mother.

Hillary's W-2

Q. Why hasn't Hillary Clinton filed her income tax return yet?

A. Her W-2s from Saudi Arabia are still being translated.

Hillary So Older

Hillary Clinton came out of hiding this week to defend her poorly run campaign for president. At one point a reporter challenged her over her awful decision to put Al Gore, 69, in charge of her her campaign's youth outreach efforts. Hillary defended her choice by pointing out Al Gore is youthful compared to her. 

Pizzagate

Q. How did Hillary Clinton get rid of Pizzagate?

A. She had Jared eat it. 

The Saleswoman

Q. Why did Hillary Clinton sell 20% of America's uranium to the Russians?

A. Her commission. 

The Pants in the Family

Hillary wears the pants in the family. Bill wears the speedos.