Hillary Clinton is so old that her favorite dish was Passenger Pigeon.
Memes, jokes, stories, and one-liners about not-President Hillary Rodham Clinton (Хиллари Клинтон)
Friday, September 30, 2016
Thursday, September 29, 2016
Hillary Gangsta Names
Some of the best #HillaryGangstaNames from Twitter tonight:
Lil' Seizure
Lil' Cackles
50 Million Cent
50 Point
BustaHip
Hammer Time
Superpredator
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Post a Picture of Your Vote for Trump
The federal 1st Circuit Court of Appeals ruled today that a ban on voters posting pictures of their completed ballots is a violation of the First Amendment. You have a constitutional right to show your vote for Donald J. Trump, the future President of the United States, online.
In your face, Hillary!
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Skeletons Galore
Hillary Clinton is so old that lots of the skeletons in her political closet are fossilized.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Just a Coincidence?
A frigid cold front just rolled across the country, coinciding with each of Hillary Clinton's campaign stops.
Friday, September 23, 2016
Hillary is Stranger than Fiction
The Daily Mail reports that Hillary Clinton demanded to be allowed to stand on a step stool during the first Presidential Debate. (The Commission on Presidential Debates told her no way.)
When Milk Cartons Just Won't Do
Hillary Clinton is so old that if she ever goes missing the Secret Service will have her picture posted on prune juice cartons.
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Hillary Clinton, Acting Coach
After her defeat in November, Hillary Clinton still has a lot career options. For example, acting coach for the Walking Dead series.
Get Ready For The First Debate
The President Hillary Clinton Jokes ebook is available for free on Amazon now through the day of the first presidential debate, September 26, 2016. Stock up on wisecracks now.
Cackles Without Cankles
Hillary Clinton is so old that her first television appearance was on the radio.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Hillary Clinton's Body Double Application
Samantha Bee wanted to be a Hillary Clinton body double.
Hillary told her, "No, thanks. You're too old."
See Hillary, Say Hillary
"If you report a suspicious person to the FBI, and the FBI doesn't make an arrest, there is a risk that the person will become president." --Scott Adams
Hillary's Confidential Records
Hillary Clinton is so old that her real age is a state secret. A really big secret.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Hillary's Bad Hair Day
Hillary Clinton is totally jelly of Donald Trump because he has better hair than she does.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Some Sex Don't Sell
Bill Clinton got bigger royalty payments for his Presidential memoirs than Hillary did. That’s because his memoirs had better sex in it.
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Hillary's Cold Heart
If Hillary is elected President, she won't commission a painting for her White House portrait. She’ll order an ice sculpture instead.
Saturday, September 17, 2016
What Good is Private Privacy?
Hillary Clinton went on a national publicity tour to prove what a private person she is.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Puns are the Lowest Form of Humor
Hillary Clinton is afraid to debate Donald Trump because there would be hell toupée for her.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
If You Had a Dollar...
If you had a dollar for every time Hillary told a lie, you'd be the Clinton Foundation.
Hillary's Crazy, But Not That Crazy
Hillary's critics are claiming that she's going crazy, citing an incident this week where she threw a glass at a campaign staffer's head. Hillary's supporters rejected the claim, noting that she made sure to completely finish her drink before throwing the glass.
Full Moons
Hillary Clinton claims that she always wanted to be an astronaut, but NASA couldn’t find any spacesuit pants big enough would fit her.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Hillary Clinton is Rock Solid
People questioned Barack Obama's birth certificate, but there's no question about the authenticity of Hillary's. She's so old it's carved in stone.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Jackie Mason's Hillary Joke
On hearing that poor sick Hillary Clinton was claiming a doctor said she was healthy, Jackie Mason joked, "So if she says she has a letter from a doctor the chances are the letter is from a plumber ..."
Monday, September 12, 2016
Above the Law
An arrest warrant for trespassing has been issued for the Green Party presidential candidate, Jill Stein, following her participation in an oil pipeline protest. When asked about the charges being charged brought against her, Jill said that she deeply regrets not being Hillary Clinton.
Hillary's Bucket
Q. Why is Hillary still running for President?
A. It's the very last item left on her bucket list.
Hillary's Rules are Made to be Broken
Hillary Clinton is against capital punishment, except for all the people who got in her way.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Hillary's Walk Around Money
Originally Hillary planned to buy the general election with her huge "walk-around-money" fund. After she collapsed unconscious this 9/11, she decided to rename it her "wheelchair-around-money" fund.
Hillary Clinton was Framed!
Hillary Clinton is so old that color pictures of her come out in black and white.
Hillary Does NOT Lie Every Day
Hillary Clinton does not, contrary to the accusations of many of her critics, lie every single day. Some days she's asleep.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Friday, September 9, 2016
Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust
Hillary is trying to sell us on her new single-payer medical care plan. The good news about her plan is that everyone will be covered. The bad news is that it will be with dirt.
Thursday, September 8, 2016
The Hillary from the Black Lagoon
Hillary Clinton is so old that she wears a scarf to cover up her gills.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Hillary's Terrible Cough
People are concerned about Hillary's terrible cough. They really shouldn't give it a second thought. Everything about Hillary is terrible.
Hillary at the Movies
Hillary Clinton is so old that she thought 50 Shades of Grey was a hair color.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Hillary Asked For It
Hillary Clinton's doctor told her that her chronic cough would never go away. She demanded a second opinion. The doctor replied, ”Okay, you’re ugly too.”
Leave Poor Sick Hillary Alone!
Enough already! Hillary was just coughing to cover the sound of her incessant farting.
Coughing and Lying
Hillary has begun bizarrely claiming that Donald Trump is forcing her to cough. Kinda like how her criminal conduct is forcing her to lie.
Hillary's Lying Eyes
Hillary Clinton's lying eye reveal her keen sense of fashion. Her lying eyes go perfectly with her lying mouth.
Monday, September 5, 2016
Heinlein predicted Hillary
Robert Heinlein wrote, "A generation which ignores history has no past and no future." That's a spot-on description of Hillary Clinton's supporters.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
She Must Have Missed an Injection
Hillary Clinton said she doesn't understand why everyone is so down on 9/11. She loves their Slurpees.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Going to the Bathroom
Hillary Clinton announced her support for letting grown men into girls' bathrooms. As a show of support for his wife, Bill promised to hang out in them.
Friday, September 2, 2016
Hillary's Lock Box Solution
Hillary Clinton promises that she'll be all about saving the Social Security fund if she's elected. In fact, she has a Swiss savings account all ready for it.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Hillary's Barcode
Q. Why does Hillary Clinton have a barcode on her pantsuit?
A. Becauses she's for sale.
The Hillary Clinton Action Figure
A new Hillary Clinton action figure should be in stores by Christmas. Pull her string and she falls down.
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