Hillary says it's silly to think that she wants to take away all of our weapons of self-defense. She just wants the submachine guns, assault weapons, rifles, shotguns, semi-automatic pistols, revolvers, CO2-powered airguns, and slingshots made with surgical tubing.
Chelsea Lyons Kent, a Hawaii delegate to the Democrat convention, was stripped of her credentials after she stuck up her middle finger on national TV. Actually, she was just repeating Hillary's speech in sign language for any hearing impaired members of the audience.
The Hill (blog) is praising Tim Kaine for his "transparency" in office. That's kinda true. Kaine always made it absolutely clear to his buyers that he was open to taking payoffs in return for political favors.
The 2016 DNC convention was under way in the City of Philadelphia, presided over by a new chairperson, replacing one thrown under the bus the day before. At the conclusion of the convention, a tribute to Comrade Hillary was called for. Of course, everyone stood up (just as they had leaped to their feet during the convention with every mention of her name). The convention center echoed with 'stormy applause, rising to an ovation.' For three minutes, four minutes, five minutes, the 'stormy applause, rising to an ovation,' continued.
But palms were getting sore and raised arms were already aching. And the older delegates were panting from exhaustion. It was becoming insufferably silly even to those who feared Hillary Clinton.
However, who would dare to be the first to stop? Bernie Sanders could have done it. He was standing on the platform, and it was he who had just called for the ovation. But he was an outsider. He was afraid! After all, Hillary's thugs were standing in the hall applauding and watching to see who would quit first!
The terrified delegates and reporters continued to applaud — six, seven, eight minutes! At the rear of the convention center, which was crowded, they could of course cheat a bit, clap less frequently, less vigorously, not so eagerly — but up there in front where everyone could see them?
Bernie Sanders, who had posed to his follower as an independent and strong-minded man, stood with the Hillary and her cronies. Nine minutes! Ten! In anguish he watched the DNC chairperson, but the latter dared not stop. Insanity! To the last man, woman, and transgender!
With make-believe enthusiasm on their faces, looking at each other with faint hope, the delegates were just going to go on and on applauding till they fell where they stood, till they were carried out of the hall on stretchers!
Then, after eleven minutes, an exhausted Bernie Sanders collapsed. And, oh, a miracle took place! Where had the universal, uninhibited, indescribable enthusiasm gone? To a delegate, everyone else stopped dead and sat down. They had been saved.
That same night Bernie Sanders was arrested. They easily pasted ten years on him on the pretext of something quite different. But after he had signed his confession, the final document of the interrogation, his interrogator reminded him: "Don’t ever be the first to stop applauding!"
"The Heckler," a comedy website owned by TBS, posted a video of cackling Hillary Clinton with hyenas shrieking in the background. In response to hysterical complaints, TBS quickly pulled the offending video and offered up a craven apology for having created it.
There is no word yet on whether or not the hyenas have accepted the apology.
With the Democrat nomination already secured by her "superdelegate" count, Hillary Clinton turned her attention to the search for a vice presidential to fill out the ticket. All potential VP candidates had to submit their applications fees by cashier's checks, and they also had to be vetted by the Saudi Secret Service to ensure that they are Halal.
Hillary Clinton was abroad collecting "charitable donations" from various drug cartels when she was stricken with a terrible case of diarrhea. Her staff called a doctor, who asked what seemed to be wrong with her. They told him, "We think she's melting."
Hillary Clinton has called for a law banning American citizens from possessing nuclear weapons, despite there being no evidence of anyone actually having one. Her law calls for all confiscated nuclear weapons to be transferred to the Saudi Arabian government.
Hillary Clinton launched a Twitter attack on Chris Christie, writing that if you think that Governor Christie "can lecture anyone on ethics, we have a bridge to sell you.” An aide urgently whispered to Hillary to remind her that she already sold that bridge. Several times.
In response to Donald Trump's proposals to protect our borders and our nation's sovereignty, Hillary Clinton has also proposed new restrictions on illegal aliens. They will all have just 90 days to register as Democrats or face deportation.
At her latest checkup, Hillary Clinton's physician warned her that her excessive weight was putting her health at serious risk. Hillary said that it wasn't her fault, obesity just runs in her family. The doctor replied, "The problem is that nobody runs in your family."
Hillary actually told the following joke on the campaign trail, “I don’t know who created Pokemon Go… but I’m tryin’ to figure out how we get them to have Pokemon Go To The Polls!” Hillary's staff is reportedly at work on a Super Mario Brothers joke they expect to have ready for her sometime in the next couple of weeks.
Hillary Clinton is once again denying the documents foreign governments got from her illegal server were classified. Hillary argues, "If all that information was really top secret, why in the world would they have trusted me with it?"
The Supreme Court's famous Citizens United decision upheld freedom of political speech. Hillary Clinton just held a furious press conference calling for a constitutional amendment to overturn the decision. "Shut up," she explained.
When Hillary Clinton heard that France's socialist President Francois Hollande spends $11 thousand dollars a month for haircuts, she bragged, "That's just chump change! I spend twice that much every month having my back shaved."
Hillary Clinton announced that she has a solution for workers in China taking over so many American jobs. If she is elected President, she'll start exporting American working people to Chinese slave camps.
"The FBI and the Attorney General say no charges will be filed against Hillary Ramrod'm. So she escaped AGAIN. David Copperfield just offered Hillary $5 million for her secret. FBI director James Comey said Hillary did not INTEND any harm. In a related story, the FBI just nominated Bill Cosby for sainthood. Hillary talked to the FBI for over 3 hours. By comparison, George Washington's first State Of The Union speech was 90 seconds long."
"Just goes to show you; if you're never going to lie to the American people, there's not much to say."
Thomas Jefferson said that the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. By contrast, Hillary Clinton refreshes her money tree with the blood of Jihad victims.
Hillary Clinton has come under fire for her $200,000+ a pop "speech" fees. However, she promises to stop if she is elected President, because once she's in the Oval Office she'll be able to sell pardons instead.
Hillary Clinton announced that she intends to give away free tuition at public colleges for all students from families making under $85,000. (Eventually rising to $125,000.) Also, if every member of the student's household is a registered Democrat, the student can even skip going to class. Hillary will just send them a four-year degree by overnight mail.
Hillary Clinton just rolled out her new Bernie Sander's inspired education plan. The program provides free college tuition for students from families making less than $125,000 per year. As an incentive for academic excellence, all qualified students who maintain a 1.0 grade point average will, in addition to free tuition, receive a free school vegetarian breakfast and lunch every day.
The Washington Times has reported that Barack is joining Hillary on the campaign trail in order to protect his legacy. It's actually a good move on Obama's part. If anyone could match his legacy of incompetence and corruption in office, Hillary Clinton is the one.
The Benghazi investigation just proved that Hillary Clinton lied about everything. Hillary's defense is that the investigators didn't really find anything new, because everyone already knows she's a liar.
Hillary Clinton's out-of-control drinking and several drunken public appearances have hurt her election chances, so she announced that she will finally stop drinking for good. From now on, Hillary will only drink for evil.
Al Franken is being vetted as a possible Vice Presidential running mate for Hillary Clinton. This surprise choice for veep was made right after Hillary learned that the two of them wear the same brand of adult diapers.
The NRA claims that Hillary Clinton is opposed to guns, but that's just not entirely true. As Secretary of State, Hillary routinely approved arms sales to terrorist countries that "donated" to her Clinton Foundation.