Saturday, December 31, 2016

By That We Mean Prison

Happy New Year, Hillary Clinton! Here's hoping that 2017 brings you everything you so richly deserve!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Out the Window

Q. How do you wind up with a small fortune donating to Hillary Clinton? 

A. Start out with a large one. 

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Email Warning

If you receive an email entitled, "Naked picture of Hillary Clinton," do not open it. It may contain a naked picture of Hillary Clinton.

Monday, December 26, 2016

What's Her Sign?

Q. What sign was Hillary Clinton born under? 

A. For Sale. 

Preparation Hillary

Late night host Stephen Colbert joked about Hillary Clinton, "My new nickname for her is Preparation H." 

That's a joke that doesn't even need a punchline. 

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Thank You, Hillary

Hillary Clinton spent over a billion dollars on her campaign and all she got us was the best President ever!

Hillary's Birthday Present

Jimmy Fallon claims that the reason Hillary Clinton lost her debate against Donald Trump was because she went to a birthday party. As a result, she didn't have anough time to study all of the questions that the moderators sent her in advance.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

A Non-extradition Nation

Q. What is Hillary Clinton's favorite nation? 

A. Discrimination.


Hillary Failed

Q. Why do Hillary Clinton supporters want to shut down the Electoral College?

A. Because Hillary flunked out.

Friday, December 23, 2016

President Elderly

After having lost the presidency to Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton set her sights on the lesser goal of being elected president of the American Association of Retired Peoples. Unfortunately, the organization informed her that she was too old. 

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Low Score Wins

The MSM is reporting that Hillary Clinton should be President because, despite her landslide elector loss, she "won" the absentee votes, provisional ballot votes, number of billboards, and California's popular vote. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Secret Sipper

When Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State, nobody knew she was an alcoholic until the day she showed up sober.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Rains and Pours

It was a bad day for Hillary Clinton yesterday. She lost the Electoral College vote by a landside, and all of the local bars are refusing to open a tab for her.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Where's the Beef?

As reported in the New York Times, Hillary Clinton accused Vladimir Putin of accessing her illegal servers and releasing evidence of her misconduct in office “because he has a personal beef against me.” 

If so, Putin is just a another foreign worker doing a job that Americans won't.


Sunday, December 18, 2016

Alex Jones confronts Hillary Clinton

In this hilarious video, an astounded Alex Jones of Infowars accidently runs into Hillary Clinton and John Podesta at a restaurant in Austin, Texas, and confronts them.


Pricy Pardon

Barack Obama reportedly wants to start his own charitable foundation after he is forced out of the White House. He developed a plan to get the start up money needed to fill the foundation's coffers. He will offer to sell Hillary Clinton her desperately needed pardon in return for funds from her Clinton Foundation. When Hillary asks how much it will cost, Obama will reply, "All of it."

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Hillary's Senior Supporters

My great-grandparents all voted for Hillary Clinton, and I couldn't talk them out of it. Of course, the last one died over twenty years ago.  

Friday, December 16, 2016

Nate Silver's Calculator

Nate Silver has finally offered an excuse for his ludicrous predictions of a massive win by Hillary Clinton in the race for the presidency. He claims to have received a secret CIA report showing that the Russians hacked his calculator.

Hillary versus Putin

Q. Why is Hillary Clinton now trying to blame Russians for her humiliating electoral defeat?

A. Because she's run out of other excuses.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Please, Santa

This year, Hillary Clinton asked Santa Claus for a list of affordable crooked judges.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

We Wish You a Hillary Christmas!

Q. Why are Hillary Clinton supporters like a string of old Christmas lights?

A. Most of them don't work.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Hillary Clinton - Person Of The Year

Hillary Clinton was actually chosen Person Of The Year, but the Russians hacked the Time Magazine computer system. 

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Hillary and the Unicorn

Q: What's the difference between a Hillary Clinton's political future and a unicorn? 

A: None, they're both fictional.

Hillary Had Proof

Hillary Clinton says she had proof Vladimir Putin rigged the election, but that the Russian hackers deleted her evidence.  

Saturday, December 10, 2016

The Russians Did It

Hillary Clinton is claiming that the Russians hacked her teleprompter, forcing her to tell all those lies during her campaign, and also watered down her vodka, causing her public bouts of delirium tremens. 

Hillary Clinton's New Number

Hillary Clinton's phone number directory listing has been changed. Her old phone number has been replaced with "Who even cares anymore?" 

Hillary Homonyms

Donald Trump supporters: Soar!

Hillary Clinton supporters: Sore!

Friday, December 9, 2016

Hillary's Pardon

Q. Why hasn't Barack Obama gotten around to giving Hillary Clinton her presidential pardon yet?

A. He's waiting for the check to clear.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Hillary Clinton Prospers

Cheaters never proper. Unless of course they have a  crooked "charitable foundation" like Hillary Clinton. 

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Hillary Clinton's send-off

Disgraced former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton will appear at outgoing Senator Harry Mason Reid's send-off party on December 8, 2016. Hillary is scheduled to jump out of a giant rum cake.

Hillary Won Twitter!

Salon (a fake-news site?) is reporting that Hillary Clinton won Twitter during the election. Hillary has not yet named her Twitter cabinet.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The Real Reason for the Recount

The real reason for the recount is so that Hillary can make sure she that she got all of the votes that she paid for.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Christmas Wine

Q: What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas wine this year? 

A: "I want a recount!"

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Hillary Clinton's Christmas Wish List

Dearest Satan Santa,

This year I want:


1) The ability to get the foreign bribes going again 
2) A pallet of heavy-duty foundation makeup
3) Uranium delivery orders from Vladimir Putin 
4) An autographed copy of "Rules for Radicals"
5) And a Presidential pardon from Barack Obama


Eternally yours,

Hillary


Exit Stage Left

As the curtain falls on the infamous career of Hillary Clinton, it's finally time for her exit, stage left. No refunds.


Saturday, December 3, 2016

Hillary's Participation Award

The Facility Executive website is reporting that the consumer website Rotten Wi-Fi has officially designated the Bill and Hillary Clinton National Airport in Little Rock, Arkansas, for its best airport Wi-Fi in the world award. So don't say Hillary never accomplished anything positive.


Business is Bad

Donations to the Clinton Foundations have fallen so low that Hillary had to use her Senior Discount to help pay for the Michigan recount.  

Hillary Clinton Pay-For-Play® Services

Dear Foreign Dictator,

Congratulations on the purchase of your genuine Hillary Clinton Pay-For-Play® deal. With regular supplemental funding, your Pay-For-Play® purchase should provide you with a lifetime of weapons deals and special treatment.  

Before you request more favors on your behalf by the United States Secretary of State, Team Hillary asks that you fill out our customer service card below. 

1. Which Pay-For-Play® favors did you purchase?
__ Arms Sales
__ Uranium Sales
__ Federal Contracts
__ State Secrets
__ Insider Trading Info
__ Diplomatic Concessions

2. How did you hear about our Pay-For-Play® deals? (Please check all that apply.)
__ MSM Advertisements
__ Craigslist
__ Over Pizza (ahem)
__ Recommended by Lobbyist
__ Recommended by DNC or GOPe
__ The Huffington Post (HuffPo)

3. How do you expect to use your Pay-For-Play® benefits? (Please check all that apply.)
__ Get Cost-Plus Federal Contract Awards
__ Start a Civil War
__ Overturn a Foreign Government
__ Avoid Being Overturned
__ Shut Down American Mines
__ Get Trade Concessions

We here at the Hillary Clinton Pay-For-Play® headquarters in Washington, D.C. are looking forward to doing additional illicit business with you again soon. Remember, we accept gold, uncut diamonds, all currencies, and major credit cards.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Hillary Must Love This Site

Don't believe me? Just watch the video below. Hillary's cracking up.

Nickleback Hillary

Canadian Police have threatened to make DUI suspects listen to Nickelback songs. If convicted, the drunk drivers will be forced to listen to Hillary Clinton speeches. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Hillary Clinton's Guilty Conscience

Roger Simon jokingly asks, "Does Hillary Clinton Have a Guilty Conscience?

The answer is both YES and NO. 

YES, Hillary Clinton has a guilty conscious, but NO she doesn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

Hillary's Senior Discount

Hillary Clinton announced that she intends to run again for President again in 2020, and then asked the Federal Election Commission if they would give her a senior's discount on her filing fees. 

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Hillary at the Movies

Clint Eastwood has announced that he's going to make a film about the life of Hillary Clinton. The movie's working title is “Billion Dollar Cry Baby.”

Monday, November 28, 2016

Pull over, Hillary

Hillary was pulled over drunk the day after the election. She's claiming that the Russians hacked her breathalyzer. 

Saturday, November 26, 2016

No Bad Dreams

Hillary: "Bill, do you dream of me becoming President?" 
Bill: "I never dream about you at all."

Friday, November 25, 2016

Super Sized Hillary

Hillary Clinton has put on twenty pounds since the election. If she gains twenty  more, Hillary can hire Rosie O'Donnell as her body double.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Hillary Hates Dry Turkey

Q. What's Hillary Clinton having for Thanksgiving?
A. Wild Turkey.

The Hillary Bubble

Can't get over Hillary Clinton's loss to President Donald trump? Don't worry. The Bubble will provide snowflakes everywhere with the ultimate safespace.


Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Hillary High, Hillary Low

Even though Hillary Clinton under-performed with the African-American voters, the Hispanic voters, and the Millennial voters, she over-performed with the pollsters and the MSNBC viewers.  

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Hillary versus Gary

When Hillary Clinton found out she lost she got drunk and threw a fit. When Gary Johnson learned he lost, he asked, "Why didn't anybody tell me the election was yesterday?" 

Hillary's National Monument

Hillary Clinton promised to build a national monument to the memory of her mentor, Ku Klux Klan Kleagle and Exalted Cyclops Robert Byrd. When reporters asked Hillary if she could still erect the statue in the wake of her landslide defeat, she exclaimed, "I'll burn that cross when I come to it!" 

Friday, November 18, 2016

Math Fun

57 out of the 100 largest newspapers in America endorsed Hillary Clinton for President. That's one endorsement for every state Barack Obama campaigned in.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Hillary Lost Weight

Hillary has lost over eight pounds since she lost the election. Her staff removed her makeup.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Quid Pro No

Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?

Tip o'hat to Milo

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Speed Griefing

Hillary Clinton supporters watching Donald Trump's victory on November 8th managed to go through all five stages of grief in a single night.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

When You're Wrong, You're Wrong

When you agree with Hillary Clinton, you're both wrong.

Hillary's Saudi Monument

Q: If Hillary Clinton becomes President, what will she do first? 

A: Convert the Washington Monument into a Minaret!

They Voted For Hillary

Hillary Clinton's final campaign appearance was at a large festive looking Chicago cemetery, thanks to her staff leaving a colorful "I Voted" sticker on every gravestone.


Monday, November 7, 2016

Hillary in the Sky with Diamonds

Hillary Clinton was a heavy drug user for several years, but recently decided to quit. She admitted that the dope distorted her perceptions and impaired her ability to reason, but she's hopeful that those side effects will eventually wear off.

Tip o'the hat to Jay Leno

Hillary's Colonoscopy Schedule

Hillary Clinton has a colonoscopy scheduled for Monday. They should be finished by Wednesday.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Hillary's Direction

Trump wants to lower taxes.

Hillary wants to lower taxpayers.

Why Hillary Falls Down

Hillary Clinton collapsed on the street again and had to be rushed to her daughter's apartment for treatment. The attending physician asked, "Are you still an alcoholic?" "No," Hillary indignantly replied. "That's good," said the doctor, "When did you quit?" She answered, "Earlier this morning."

Friday, November 4, 2016

It's Funny Because It's True

According to the Los Angeles Times, Governor John Sununu joked that Bill Clinton meant Hillary Clinton when he infamously said: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” 

It's funny because it's true.

Hillary's Rebuttal

Donald Trump gave a speech condemning the terrorist attacks taking place in America, then Hillary Clinton gave the rebuttal.

Hillary Gone Wild

Hillary is so fat that when she walked in front of the bigscreen television, Bill missed an entire episode of Girls Gone Wild.

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Balancing the Budget, Hillary Style

Q. How did Hillary Clinton manage to spend less of her own money?

A. By stealing more of yours.

Hillary's New Diet

Hillary Clinton just started her new Vodka and Gin diet. She's lost a week already.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Now and Then

Q. When are the only two times Hillary Clinton lies?

A. The past and the present.

Hillary - Over & Out

Entertainment Weekly reports that former comedian Louis C.K. told Conan O'Brien this week that he would take Hillary Clinton "over anybody." It got the biggest laugh of the night. 


Hillary Goggles

Q. What is the difference between Hillary and a fox? 

A. Several stiff drinks.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

What Hillary Worry?

Q. Why doesn't Hillary Clinton worry about the price of gas for her limousine? 

A. You're paying for it.

And Make it a Double

Q. When it's time for her to start drinking again, what does Hillary always order?

A. Vodka and soda. Neat.

Monday, October 31, 2016

No Stripes for Hillary

Q. Why doesn't Hillary wear stripes?

A. They make her look more criminal.

Cheesy Hillary

Q. What's the difference between Hillary and a pepperoni pizza?

A. One's round, doughy, and smells like cheese, the other one is covered with pepperoni.

Hillary Clinton and the Graybar Hotel

Hillary Clinton is joking that her hair won't turn gray in the White House. That's actually true. It will turn gray in prison.

Hillary's Me Time

Hillary Clinton announced that she's taking another break from the campaign trail. She insists that she isn't sick this time, she just wants to spend more time with the voices in her head.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Eternally Hillary Clinton

Q. What is Hillary Clinton's favorite saying? 

A. A lie.

Hillary's Halloween Party

Hillary Clinton announced that she will host a Halloween party for her followers. Hillary won't have any candy for her guests, but there will be plenty of Kool-Aid.

Spielberg's Widescreen Production

Steven Spielberg is already working on a movie to glorify the presidency of Hillary Clinton. The film's working title is "The Devil Knows Nada." 

Friday, October 28, 2016

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Hillary Clinton's Dad Jeans

Hillary Clinton is forcing her husband Bill Clinton to do more of his campaign fundraising appearances in Dad jeans, in order to make him look like a family man. Hillary borrowed the jeans from Webb Hubbell.

Jimmy Kimmel's Hillary Joke on Hold

Jimmy Kimmel announced this week that he would finally get around to telling a Hillary Clinton joke, just as soon as her campaign approved it. 

The Snort That Refreshes

Q. Why does Hillary Clinton snort Equal?

A. She thought it was diet coke.


It Was Just a Joke

When Obama appeared on his television program, Jimmy Kimmel said that Barack had to "take time away from helping rig the election" for Hillary Clinton in order to make the appearance. After an brief but intense discussion off-screen during a commercial break, a bruised and disheveled Kimmel returned to the air and insisted that he was only joking.

Death Row Hillary

The Huffington Post reports that Hillary Clinton joked about her ‘Death Row Records’ fashion inspiration. Seth Rich was not available for comment.

Contagious Alcoholism

Since Hillary can't stop drinking, she's going to make all of the rest of us want to.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Rally Bill

Hillary Clinton's rally attendance has dropped so low that she's changing her campaign slogan to, "Bill Clinton is my husband."

Hillary Work

Q. What's the only kind of work has Hillary Clinton ever done?

A. Wetwork.

No Well Drinks

Q: Why will Hillary's inaugural celebration cost $50 million? 

A: Because she wants an open bar.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Hillary Loves Everyday Americans

Hillary Clinton's new book about how she actually loves "everyday Americans" is priced at $29.99, plus $12,000 for the jacket.

She Wants What She Has Paid For

Q. Why did Hillary Clinton screech at the debate moderator?

A. Because she didn't get all of the questions she paid for in advance.

The VA Strategy

Q. How does Hillary Clinton plan to fix Obamacare? 

A. Longer waiting periods.

Monday, October 24, 2016

Hillary Clinton's Amygdala

The Verge reports that, "Your brain gets used to lying as you do it more." If that's true, why did Hillary Clinton need to have the questions sent to her in advance?

Trump's Old Fashioned Values

Hillary Clinton claims that all of Donald Trump's values are outdated compared to hers. His are from 1776, while her's are more like 1984.

Hillary's Slow Teleprompter

Hillary Clinton is very slow when answering questions posed to her by reporters. That's because of the time lag from Saudi Arabia to her teleprompter.

Nukes For Sale

Q. How will Hillary Clinton monitor how Iran's nuclear program is progressing?

A. She'll check her receipts.

Take a Hillary Hike

Q: What is Hillary Clinton's new fitness plan to get people walking again? 

A: Extreme poverty.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Trustworthy Hillary

Q. Why does Tim Kaine keep saying that he trusts Hillary Clinton? 

A. He's fishing for a role in Idiocracy 2. 

Giving Barack a Run For His Money

Hillary Clinton is giving narcissism and looting taxpayers very, very bad names.

Even Hillary Has a Purpose

Hillary Clinton's sole beneficial purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

Hillary's Hammers

Q. Why did Hillary Clinton smash her Blackberries with hammers?

A. They wouldn't go through the paper shredder.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Literal Hillary

I wonder what would happen if someone wrote "fart" on Hillary Clinton's teleprompter?

Hillary's Salad Bar

Political commentators have noted that there are salad bars that manage to draw more people than the typical Hillary Clinton campaign rally. To be completely fair, Hillary has got to taste just awful.

Hillary Values the Truth

The truth is so important to Hillary Clinton that she's been saving it up for later use her whole life.

Hillary 11

Hillary ordered a set of new campaign stage speakers this week. Her speakers lying dials are now set to 11.

Flying Monkeys - Check!

Hillary Clinton has disappeared again, almost exactly like the screeching Wicked Witch of the West in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The only thing Hillary's missing is the puff of smoke.

Tip o'the pointed hat to Rocky D 

Oral Services for Hillary

Madonna has promised to give oral services to anyone who votes for Hillary Clinton. Bill Clinton told Hillary about the offer, arguing that, "But, Honey, you might need my vote."

IOW, Not Much

Q. How likeable is Hillary Clinton?

A. Even her most fervent supporters despise her. 

Confusion and Desperation

Donald Trump will be campaigning in two states today, Ohio and Florida. Hillary Clinton will also be in two states today, confusion and desperation. 

Tip o'the hat to Jay Leno

Hillary's Walking Dead Congress

Donald Trump announced during his third straight debate victory over Hillary Clinton that he intends to seek a Constitutional Amendment imposing term limits on Congress. By contrast, Hillary Clinton proclaimed that she will impose a Constitutional Amendment by Executive Order allowing members of Congress to continue holding office posthumously.

Hillary's Debate Wins

After Hillary Clinton lost all three debates to Donald Trump, CNN (aka the Clinton News Network) persisted in reporting that she had won three times. What CNN didn't tell you was that she only won Participation Awards.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Hillary's Core

Donald Trump has at least one reason to be appreciative of Hillary Clinton's low information supporters. They have inspired him to eliminate Common Core and bring back real education. 

Hillary's Safe Space

Q. Why was Hillary kinda okay with being in a room full of Catholic priests at the Al Smith dinner? 

A. Because none of her husband's abuse victims were in the front row.

The Smartest Woman in Bizarro World

Hillary Clinton is what a stupid person imagines a smart person to be. 

Hillary Clinton versus Rosie O'Donnell

Donald Trump jokingly compared Hillary Clinton with Rosie O'Donnell at the Al Smith dinner on Thursday night:

"Last night, I called Hillary a 'nasty woman'. This stuff is all relative. After listening to Hillary rattle on and on, I don't think so badly of Rosie O'Donnell anymore. In fact, I'm actually starting to like Rosie a lot."

Hillary begs for Donald Trump's pardon

From Donald Trump's hilarious remarks at the October 20th Al Smith dinner: “We have proven that we can actually be civil toward each other. In fact, before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me, and she very civilly said, ‘Pardon me.’ And I very politely replied, 'Let me talk to you about that after I get into office.'” 


Trumps burns Hillary at Al Smith dinner

Donald Trump at the Al Smith dinner, October 20, 2016: "I wasn't really sure if Hillary was going to be here tonight because, I guess, you didn't send her invitation by email. Or maybe you did, and she just found out about it through the wonder of WikiLeaks."

Thursday, October 20, 2016

The Hillary Bowl

Hillary Clinton is the kind of person who goes to the Super Bowl and then pretends the audience came there to see her.

Hillary and the Special Prosecutor

Hillary Clinton bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and hysterically shrieks, “I just committed treason and sold nuclear secrets to a foreign terrorist group. Make me forget about it before the Special Prosecutor interrogates me!” Her hypnotherapist mutters, “Not again...”

Hillary Clinton's Debate Guest

Q. Why did Hillary Clinton's give Satan a front row seat at the final debate?

A. Because George Soros couldn't make it.

Hillary Clinton's Massage Parlor

Q. Why did Hillary Clinton's massage parlor go out of business? 

A. All the unhappy endings.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Hillary's Oral Issues

Madonna announced at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday night, "If you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a b–job,” causing a sudden drop in the polls for Hillary.



Hillary Clinton's No Fly Zone

Hillary Clinton claimed that she was going to establish a No Fly zone in Syria, but she couldn't even maintain a No Fly zone on her face during the debates. 

Hillary and Daytime TV

Donald Trump belongs in the White House. Hillary Clinton belongs on the Jerry Springer show.

Tip o'the hat to Jerry Springer

Hillary XXX

Hillary Clinton is the left's version of a phone sex operator. She just keeps telling them all of the nasty fantasies they want to hear.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Hillary's Prognosis

Anonymous hacked into Hillary's health records. Basically her charts say she shouldn't buy any ripe bananas.

Clintons on a Plane

Hillary Clinton's favorite movie is Snakes on a Plane
Every time she watches it, she roots for the snakes.

Monday, October 17, 2016

A Hurricane of Hatred

Hurricane Matthew is over, but Hurricane Hillary raging about hating "everday Americans" has been upgraded to a Category Five.

Tip o'the hat to Bill Maher

Relative Health

As bad as Hillary's Clinton's physical health is, it's gotta be a lot better than her mental health.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Bernie's Days Are Numbered

Hillary Clinton used her "charity foundation" funds to buy Bernie Sander's new luxury beach house, but he doesn't know that as soon as she loses the election he'll be evicted.

Every Hillary has her Price

Hillary Clinton tried to sell her soul to the devil, but Satan didn't have change for a quarter.

Where Did Hillary's Yoga Pants Go?

Wherever Hillary's yoga pants supposedly went to, it was definitely never to a yoga class.

Debate Fact

Hillary Clinton's appearances at the presidential debates are sponsored by BleachByte. 

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Abraham Lincoln and Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton never apologizes; she's never wrong no matter what lunatic things she claims. She's the female Kanye.

Tip o'the hat to Bill Maher

Hillary's Yoga Pants

Hillary said she had yoga pants, but her pantsuit says she had a bucket of fried chicken.

The Hillary Prophecy

Hillary Clinton claims to be ahead based on her campaign's internal polling, just as the Book of Revelation predicted she would be.

Gimme the Usual

After being battered in the debate in St. Louis, former Presibubba Bill and wannabe Presi-witch Hillary head to the hotel bar and Bill told the waitress, "We'll have the usual." So she brought them a restraining order.

Tip o'the hat to RockyD

Friday, October 14, 2016

Supernatural Hillary

Hillary Clinton recently professed, "I believe in a Goddess." She was talking about herself.

Tip o'the hat to Jay Leno

Deflating Hillary

Trump deflated Hillary's ego so badly in the debate, the NFL just suspended him for four games.

Tip o'the hat to Rocky D

Canadian Bacon

Hillary is polling so badly since losing the last debate that she's started shopping for a mansion in Canada.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Debate Prepping Hillary

Hillary Clinton is so sick that they're going to have to hang fly zappers at the final debate.

Hillary's Regional Support

Hillary Clinton dropped to second place in the Los Angeles Times poll, but she's still ahead in Saudi Arabia. 

Haldol for Hillary

There are Tourette's patients who have more control of their mouths than Hillary Clinton.

Tip o'the hat to Bill Maher

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Read Between the Lines

Hillary's doctor wrote a note stating that, "Ms. Clinton would be the healthiest woman ever elected President." 

A Ruse by any Other Name

Q. What is the only difference between Obamacare and Hillarycare?

A. Hillary.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

It's Not Latin

Hillary Clinton's doctors have finally figured out what's wrong with her. The medical term for it is inter-rectal cranial inversion, which means her head is up her butt. 

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Hillary's Behghazi To Do List

Hillary's Benghazi To Do List:

1) Cover up Benghazi facts
2) Delete emails about Benghazi
3) Forget when testifying about Benghazi
4) Take huge donations from Middle Eastern donors
5) Repeat

Hillary's "Poor" Health

Hillary isn't in poor health. She's in rich but terrible health.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Why Hillary hates Trey Gowdy

Donald Trump plans to defeat Hillary Clinton again in the final debate by painting her as corrupt and incompetent. All he has to do is quote her testimony before Congress.

Hillary and the Catfish #2

Q: What’s the biggest difference between Hillary Clinton and a catfish?

A: One has whiskers and stinks, and the other is a fish.

Tip o'the hat to The Atlantic


Friday, October 7, 2016

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Monday, October 3, 2016

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Friday, September 30, 2016

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Hillary Gangsta Names

Some of the best #HillaryGangstaNames from Twitter tonight:

Lil' Seizure

Lil' Cackles

50 Million Cent

50 Point

BustaHip

Hammer Time 

Superpredator

Without a Trace of an Accent

Hillary Clinton is so old that she speaks fluent Neanderthal. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Post a Picture of Your Vote for Trump

The federal 1st Circuit Court of Appeals ruled today that a ban on voters posting pictures of their completed ballots is a violation of the First Amendment. You have a constitutional right to show your vote for Donald J. Trump, the future President of the United States, online. 

In your face, Hillary!


Hillary Clinton's Vision

Hillary Clinton is so old that her cataracts have cataracts.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Skeletons Galore

Hillary Clinton is so old that lots of the skeletons in her political closet are fossilized.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Just a Coincidence?

A frigid cold front just rolled across the country, coinciding with each of Hillary Clinton's campaign stops.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Hillary is Stranger than Fiction

The Daily Mail reports that Hillary Clinton demanded to be allowed to stand on a step stool during the first Presidential Debate. (The Commission on Presidential Debates told her no way.)

When Milk Cartons Just Won't Do

Hillary Clinton is so old that if she ever goes missing the Secret Service will have her picture posted on prune juice cartons.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Hillary Clinton, Acting Coach

After her defeat in November, Hillary Clinton still has a lot career options. For example, acting coach for the Walking Dead series.

Get Ready For The First Debate

The President Hillary Clinton Jokes ebook is available for free on Amazon now through the day of the first presidential debate, September 26, 2016. Stock up on wisecracks now.

Cackles Without Cankles

Hillary Clinton is so old that her first television appearance was on the radio. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Hillary Clinton's Body Double Application

Samantha Bee wanted to be a Hillary Clinton body double. 

Hillary told her, "No, thanks. You're too old."

See Hillary, Say Hillary

"If you report a suspicious person to the FBI, and the FBI doesn't make an arrest, there is a risk that the person will become president." --Scott Adams

Hillary's Confidential Records

Hillary Clinton is so old that her real age is a state secret. A really big secret.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Why is Hillary Cockeyed?

Q. Why is Hillary Clinton so cockeyed?

A. Her left eye has a mind of its own.


Green Eyed Hillary

Hillary is so cockeyed they'll have to Chroma key her eyes in going forward.


Sleepy Eyes

Hillary isn't really cock-eyed. One of her eyes was just asleep.


Eyes Is

Hillary is cocked-eyed in both ISIS.


Hillary and the Grim Reapers

Hillary's so cock-eyed, she sees two Grim Reapers coming.


Missed Selfies

Hillary's so cock-eyed, her selfies miss.


Teleprompter Teleprompter

Hillary's so cock-eyed, she needs two teleprompters.


Hillary's Hammered

Hillary's so cock-eyed, she needed two hammers to smash her Blackberries.


Hillary's Twins

Hillary's so cock-eyed, she thinks Chelsea is twins.


Bollard for Hillary

The one supporter that Hillary Clinton can always depend on.


Hillary's Bad Hair Day

Hillary Clinton is totally jelly of Donald Trump because he has better hair than she does. 

Monday, September 19, 2016

Some Sex Don't Sell

Bill Clinton got bigger royalty payments for his Presidential memoirs than Hillary did. That’s because his memoirs had better sex in it.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Hillary's Favorite Dish

Q: What does Hillary Clinton eat every day? 

A: Crow. 

Hillary's Cold Heart

If Hillary is elected President, she won't commission a painting for her White House portrait. She’ll order an ice sculpture instead.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

What Good is Private Privacy?

Hillary Clinton went on a national publicity tour to prove what a private person she is.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Puns are the Lowest Form of Humor

Hillary Clinton is afraid to debate Donald Trump because there would be hell toupée for her.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

If You Had a Dollar...

If you had a dollar for every time Hillary told a lie, you'd be the Clinton Foundation.

Hillary's Crazy, But Not That Crazy

Hillary's critics are claiming that she's going crazy, citing an incident this week where she threw a glass at a campaign staffer's head. Hillary's supporters rejected the claim, noting that she made sure to completely finish her drink before throwing the glass. 

Full Moons

Hillary Clinton claims that she always wanted to be an astronaut, but NASA couldn’t find any spacesuit pants big enough would fit her. 

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Unconscious and No Conscience

Donald Trump: He's conscious and he has a conscience

Hillary Clinton: Not so much


Hillary Clinton is Rock Solid

People questioned Barack Obama's birth certificate, but there's no question about the authenticity of Hillary's. She's so old it's carved in stone.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Jackie Mason's Hillary Joke

On hearing that poor sick Hillary Clinton was claiming a doctor said she was healthy, Jackie Mason joked, "So if she says she has a letter from a doctor the chances are the letter is from a plumber ..."